Some of us blame ourselves; some of us
blame others; some of us blame life, or their bat.. but there is no healing as long
as we’re condemning ourselves and thinking it’s our fault for the limbic
reactions that have been rigged in our system for eons and eons. So what I’d like to
do is practice a little bit, and just to explore for you to explore a place where
you feel that you’ve turned on yourself; it may be just a slight judgment or it may
be in deep harsh contempt but just to get a little more freedom. So as you come
into stillness, you might scan and sense where in your life you might be turned
on yourself some, or you might be blaming yourself at war, in some way creating a
bad other of some of your inner self it might be for a way you’re behaving in a
relationship maybe you feel you’re being too needy or too aggressive or too selfish it might be, as I mentioned earlier, an addictive behavior it might be the way
you’re handling something that’s difficult, like sickness or somebody
else’s sickness just to sense where you might not be really accepting and kind with yourself and you might begin with intention; just
to sense some wise place in you that really wants to draw that circle and
include all parts of yourself in your heart and be part of the healing, the evolutionary healing that can end the hatred in our world; just feeling that commitment and that intention you can begin the first step of simply recognizing mindfully: ‘Okay, so this is this is where there’s a turning against self this is maybe the limbic system not
liking itself’ you might name what’s going on; self-judgment, self-hate, harshness, contempt… whatever you’re noticing there’s a little more witnessing when you can name it and then ask yourself: ‘Well, when I’m believing or
feeling my badness, what’s it like?’ and then let yourself go into your body to
find out so when you’re believing ‘it is my fault, I’m bad, something’s wrong with me’ what’s that feeling like in your body? This takes a little bit imagining into,
like really letting yourself buy into the story and sense the worst part about
it and what’s the worst thing about you and sensing the fears that you have
around that of being bad or failing and you might sense how familiar it is; how long
in your life you’ve been feeling some sense of personal badness notice what happens when you sense how
long you’ve been living with this ad maybe even the effect it’s had on your
life; how has it affected your life, your relationships, your capacity to enjoy, to
be turned on yourself? And even as you ask that, you might put your hand on
your heart to deepen the listening inwardly and to establish that contact with your own heart and sense what is the part of you that feels most vulnerable or most bad, what does it most need from you? Or what does it most need from your most wise or high self? What’s the nurturing it needs? Does it need to trust that it’s not its fault, that it’s really, essentially, there’s goodness inside you? Does it need to feel care? That there’s a presence that’s staying with you and cares about you? Does it need to feel forgiven? Is
there a certain message it needs? You might sense how the wisest
part of you and most loving part of you wants to respond to this vulnerable
place right now is there some words of comfort? Perhaps the touch on the heart can even
become more tender and you might mentally whisper some message to
yourself that might be healing and perhaps you might even use your name and if it helps to sense the message coming from someone that loves you that you trust, that’s fine too; or from a spiritual figure… but letting a message
be sent inward, of comfort and then hearing it again and again, letting the
feeling be like a wash of warmth or care that moves through you and through that
place and perhaps you can sense a little more
space when there’s a message of kindness that the ‘who you are’ is actually resting
in something larger more of that compassionate presence…
You might even ask, if you really trusted that there’s nothing wrong with you, who
would you be? What would it be like right now? Just
sense that if you really trusted: ‘It’s not my fault, there’s nothing really basically wrong’? Sure like conditioning there’s waves in
the sea but you’re bigger than just the waves who are you if there’s nothing
wrong? The tools for evolving out of hatred are the tools of presence; of
mindfully noticing when we get stuck, feeling our feelings, offering nurturing. [bells]