I remember when I was a kid, I was lied to all the freaking time. They would tell me if I didn’t brush my teeth, I would get arrested.
If I didn’t eat my vegetables, people would starve in Africa. They still are starving!
They would also tell me if I didn’t listen to them. Our house would be burglered! And
it’s all my fault! What kind of messed-up relative says that to their kids? This one
individual in my family would lie to me quite a bit. She was responsible for taking care
of me. Or maybe she was forced to? She didn’t really like me. But when I was four years
old, she was fourteen. A good ten years ahead of me. She told me, “Well, I know what your
favorite dessert is!”. She held out her hand, and then said, “I have something for you!
Here’s some strawberry yogurt.” She knew the deliciousness of strawberry yogurt. Strawberry
Yogurt is yummy, delicious, pink, gooey, slimy, tart, sweet—everything you could ever dream
of as a kid! Especially as a four year old, when your teeth are falling (off) left and
right! So, she held out her hand, and said, “I have some yogurt for you.” I looked at
it suspiciously. It looked like yogurt, but where are the strawberries? I looked at it
again. I said, “Do I really, really have to?” Then she said, “But don’t you trust me?”.
She asked me to lick it off her hands. “Well, she is older than me. Since I am a good, obedient kid, I will listen to her. Even though I’m not entirely sure that is yogurt.” I licked the yogurt off her hands.
It was the nastiest thing I have ever tasted. “It didn’t taste like yogurt at all! What
kind of ****ing flavor is this? Poison?” It was so bitter that I wanted to puke. What
kind of cousin tries to poison another cousin? Especially a four year old? “She just laughed
her head off! Enough was enough, I learned at that moment, never trust people who are
willing to feed you poison.” Now who on Earth would dehumanize a four year old to their
own entertainment? [pause] I’m sure plenty of people would, but that is messed up! [Sigh]
Life is short, just eat a cookie!